Homage to Catatonia

Through some far briny zone. Even Christ’s palms, unhealed¹

Homage to Catatonia – Anhedonia is a travel log made whilst spiralling into and out of depression. Whilst gazing into nothingness within the confines of my home, parallel worlds would reveal themselves to me from the most insignificant and minuscule of places. Like hallucinations they would ooze out of stagnant pools and out of dirt and abandon wrapped in shadows and light. I would immerse myself in those dark pools. It was my escape. When inside, I would to soar through the heavens of inner space and then dive down and plunge into vast, deep oceans before emerging from the waters to glide over creation and decay and settle on distant sea shores to wander along deserted beaches and barren lanscapes until finally I would be found by the sweet embrace of sleep.

Will-o’-the-wisp · Ignis Fatuus

Perhaps these journeys drew me deeper down to darker places and states of mind. But it was also in this isolation and detachment I found solace. The abstract distractions were the heroin that my conscience and perceptions demaded. And in that troubled sedation, would begin to form a wisp of hope: a glimmer of emotion at the wonder of it all that sparked, ignited and illuminated the void. The unimaginable worlds I would see woulkd reinvigorate my soul and curiosity before, often on awakening, I would sink back into the whirlpool of the torments of being surrounded by eight billion souls. Years would pass in and out of being uncomfortably numb until a gentle hand reached out and took mine. And we flew and then stood on the peak of the highest mountain with a view over it all and all of inner space. It was as I had imagined and as I had always understood. And as my ephemeral friend melted away, I bathed in a calm as I stood by turbulent waters and a bridge about which an old man had told me a near lifetime ago. So, I continue on my way. Though space and time. I travel.

I have travelled